I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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