the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
