I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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