don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I see more hoeing in ur future
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
