FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
