I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
