So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize