My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
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You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
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Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize