Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
