Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
