Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
