we have pet lesbian snakes
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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