i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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