My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
