just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
