She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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