I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
