I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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