well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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