3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
