I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
