Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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