My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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