Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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