Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
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