Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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