remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
