a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
