We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
