So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
