I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
