I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
