batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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