I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
