Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
