yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Did I show you my penis last night?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
