Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
