imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
