wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
