Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
