you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Randomize
