no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
