i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Congratulations! We have a period
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