o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
