goodnight i made you a song goodbye
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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