How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
