If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The adults are the big ones right?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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