you will always have a special place in my vag
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
