I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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