Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
