they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
