grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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