Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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