once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize