I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
