I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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