I heard we made out
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
wow bdsm is so cute
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
