i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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