Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
