You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
