What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
