Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
