Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
