dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
