Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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