Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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