Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
