OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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