I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
