My underwear smells like fireworks.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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